Shadow Work

During this challenging time, many have been given the opportunity to pause and take a look at themselves a little closer than usual.

This week I am leaning into sharing with you a process that I use in my therapy practice called Shadow Work!

You see... Shadow Work is a process that I went through in my own self-discovery journey and find it helpful for others too.

It is a process of loving all part of Self!

Let me give you a little background on why I call this process Shadow Work.

When we run away from our shadow, it gets bigger and can look like a scary monster chasing us.

When we face our shadow and walk toward it, it gets smaller and much less scary. So the lesson here is to look toward your shadows or fears and face them head on with love.

"But that doesn't sound like fun!"

You're right. The journey of self-discovery isn't always fun but it certainly is rewarding. You will know when you're ready for it - I promise!

So let me share with you a few tips that can help you begin the Shadow Work process. Please know that this work isn't meant to be done alone. I share this with you so you can start to ask yourself the right questions and when you are ready, you can seek out the right support to help guide you on this self-discovery journey.

Alright... lets get to it, shall we?

3 Baby Steps to Embrace Your Shadows

1. Shine Light on the Shame - the first place I look to find a person's shadow is where shame and guilt shows up in their life. Most people don't know this but the word "SHOULD" is a shame word! Yup, that's right when you say something like... "I should've done it sooner" or "I shouldn't have said that" you are actually shaming yourself. This is a strong indicator of areas where our Shadow Self might live. For example, parenting shame (aka mom guilt), not feeling good enough in any area of your life, or even simply questioning every decision you make. So here's what you do... just begin to notice your words and how you speak to yourself, about yourself and towards others!

2. Your Greatest Fears - take a self-inventory of your greatest fears. Many times our fears are intertwined with our Shadow Self. For example, it could be the fear of failure, the fear of shining your light, or even the fear of letting your family down or losing people you love. Your Shadow Self will keep you playing small or prevent you from taking risks in order to maintain status quo. Looking at your greatest fears will help you to begin the process of loving all parts of yourself and walk through life in faith and trust.

3. Ask for Feedback - this might not be a baby step! But it is helpful nonetheless. Find someone who knows you well but is also kind and loving. It is important to find someone who will build you up instead of tear you down. Once you found this person, ask them for feedback about your blind areas... (remember my blog on the Johari Window? If not, go back and read that one). Ask your friend where you might be shying away from growth or fears that you might not even notice in yourself. If you do this with the right person, there's a good chance that this simple activity will improve your relationship (if done correctly). But remember... extra grace is required for this activity. BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

If any of you would love to learn more about Shadow Work or what it might look like for you, please don't hesitate to reach out!

Until next time, remember to face your shadow and embrace your fears! You are worthy of love and so is your shadow!

#shadowwork #fears #shame #guilt #feedback #askforhelp #shadow #shadowself #selfdiscovery #selfawareness #awareness #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment #psychology #growth #selfesteem #selfworth #selfimage #thegoodnews #empowered #empoweredwomen #empowerment #thegemms #thegemmswithsamanthakaaua #counseling #coaching #transcendence @the.gemms @samantha_kaaua

Money Matters

Many individuals are facing major financial hardships during this time of Covid-19 and it has put an added strain on their relationships.

But the honest truth is, money challenges do not "cause" divorce or "ruin" relationships.

The real problem is the couple's ability to communicate about money!

That's right, you will read it over and over again in my posts.... communication is the key!

There are two different ways you could have interpreted the title of this blog. The first way would likely be the statement that money does matter in life or in relationships. The second way you could read the title "money matters" is the matter, challenge, or issue around the topic of money!

Ahhh... did I get you there? Which way did you read the title?

You see, this is exactly what I mean! Communication is key!!!

The truth is, I meant it both ways. I am a believer that money is a symbol for our freedom. It is the currency we use to exchange goods and services in this era. In the past, we used gold and other rare commodities as currency. And currency is simply the flow of energy. So in fact, money is energy!

And the reason why money matters in this lifetime, is the fact that it allows us to be, do, have, and give what we want. It also allows us to express our love and affection to those we care about in other ways than words and physical touch. It allows us full expression in this life!

When couples do not have similar views or values about money, this is where they run into trouble. This is when it turns into a money matter (aka problem)!

So here are some tips and tools to help you better communicate in your relationship around the topic of money:

1) What is your belief about money?

Do you have a similar belief as me, that money is a symbol for our freedom? or do you have a different value? This will indicate whether or not you prioritize making or saving money in your lifetime.

2) What is your value about money?

Do you value paying things in cash? Do you feel like being in debt is simply a part of life? Are you okay with having "good" debt like a mortgage or for your education? This will identify your values around your idea of debt and savings.

3) Now share with one another your values and beliefs around money.

If you are able, try to identify where these values and beliefs come from! Sometimes, we hold on to beliefs and values simply because "that's what my parents taught me growing up" or "that was my favorite grandparent's belief and I don't want to forget them." (yes it gets that deep sometimes).

4) Compromise!

You see the thing about marriage and relationships is that we come together in the interest of growth. We know that we are better when we are together and as a unit we can do more, be more, and have more in our lives! Therefore, learning how to compromise is an important relationship tool. Find a way to honor both of your beliefs and values.

5) Ask for help.

Last but not least, if you are finding it challenging to make any progress around communicating about money, do not be afraid to ask for help. So many couples wait until it is too late (they've already filed for divorce) before seeking help from a professional. You can either find someone to help both of you or seek your own personal support to improve your own communication skills.

Now you have the steps you can take to better communicate any money matter with your partner! Here's to open communication, compromise, and compassion!

#moneymatters #money #communicationiskey #communication #compromise #askforhelp #beliefs #values #goals #dream #vision #clarity #breathe #remember #know #decide #takeaction #trust #spiritualbeinghavingahumanexperience #spiritual #love #paradigms #patterns #marymorrissey #selfawareness #awareness #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment #psychology #growth #selfesteem #selfworth #selfimage #thegoodnews #empowered #empoweredwomen #empowerment #thegemms #thegemmswithsamanthakaaua #counseling #coaching #transcendence @thegemmsofficial @the.gemms @samantha_kaaua

The Power of WILL

Do you find yourself frustrated and discouraged with your inability to create and maintain healthy habits?

Well, you certainly are not alone!

Many people find themselves setting New Year Resolutions, Mid-Year Recommitments, or any other time of year New Habit. And it would be wonderful if we all actually kept and maintained each of the new habits we all set out to create.

But the reality is, we don't! We may keep up with our new habit for a few days, a couple weeks, or even make it to a whole month, but our consistency fades until one day we find ourselves making another resolution for the exact same habit 6 months later!

Okay, now that I got you all depressed and even more defeated... here's the GOOD NEWS!

What most people don't share with you is that before you can create healthy habits you need to develop your Mental Faculty of WILL!

What?! You mean we've been going about setting new and healthy habits all wrong? YES you have!!! Well let me back it up a little bit and explain to you what a Mental Faculty is, let alone your WILL.

I first learned about these mental faculties through my personal mentor Mary Morrissey. I learned that we each have 6 Mental Faculties that include Imagination, Intuition, Will, Memory, Reason & Perception. These are the faculties or gifts that separate the human species from others. Through the sharpening of these mental faculties, one is able to have more control over their human experiences.

Although complete control over your life isn't possible or even desired, there are areas that each of us would like more control in our lives, such as... creating new healthy habits that serve our dreams!

One of the main Mental Faculties that have changed my life is the Mental Faculty of WILL! This mental faculty is your ability to focus and command your mind to THINK, then FEEL, then DO what you want it to do. Because we all know that ultimately the only thing we have control over in this life is our SELF! And if we don't master the art of SELF control then we find this thing called human life to be very depressing, frustrating, and overwhelming. Ultimately, we feel like a victim to our circumstances and conditions.

So now that I really got your attention, let's talk about how to develop your WILL so you can finally start creating the healthy habits you have always wanted to create!

5 Steps To Develop Your WILL:

1. IDENTIFY a Burning Desire - what are you longing for or discontent with in your life right now? Is it your finances? your job? your relationship? your inability to create a healthy habit? Now what would you love in your life instead?

2. DECIDE for your Dream and make sure that it is a BURNING Desire that you are willing to go to any lengths (within your morals and values) to achieve your dream or goal.

3. DECIDE that the only way you will ACHIEVE your Dream is to acquire the ABILITY to command yourself to think that which you need to think so you can do what you need to do to accomplish your goal or dream. (was that a little confusing? read #3 as many times as you need to until you understand what it says.)

4. Get CURIOUS about what distracts you and causes you to lose your focus. IDENTIFY what helps you remain focused. (for me timing myself through tasks gave me the accountability I needed to stay focused on a task until it was completed. I also reminded myself that I could answer the text, return the phone call, or tend to my children after I was done with the 5-30 min habit I was trying to create. My mentor, Mary Morrissey, uses the candle flame activity to help her practice her mental faculty of Will.)

5. Take ACTION! Try it on and try it out. You wont truly know what works for you until you try. And always BE KIND to yourself along the journey.

Please know that developing any and all of your Mental Faculties take commitment, practice, and patience. You will not get it overnight but if you keep at it, it will get easier!

But for now, know that you are one step closer to creating the healthy habits you need to create your dreams! AWARENESS is always the hardest step on the journey called life.

#artofselfcontrol #longing #discontent #mentalfaculty #will #thepowerofwill #focus #concentration #habits #healthyhabits #resolutions #goals #dream #vision #clarity #breathe #remember #know #decide #takeaction #trust #spiritualbeinghavingahumanexperience #spiritual #love #paradigms #patterns #marymorrissey #selfawareness #awareness #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment #psychology #growth #selfesteem #selfworth #selfimage #thegoodnews #empowered #empoweredwomen #empowerment #thegemms #thegemmswithsamanthakaaua #counseling #coaching #transcendence @thegemmsofficial @the.gemms @samantha_kaaua